With friday night's mass dance came with it a sense of surrealism and deja vu. Here I was, standing at that very exact spot as I did a year ago but so much has changed. All I saw were a bunch of revved up J1s screaming and shouting for what they were worth. I was looking through very different lenses.

A year ago, at this very moment, at this very spot, I was free. Free because I was released from the load of the O levels and not yet burdened by the As. Free because I did not know many, and thus had little commitment to any. Free because I had come of age. I was filled with intense anticipation and excitement at what I was about to embark on. An adventure of sorts.

Fast forward 365 days. How many of those prancing J1s would look at their juniors and feel the same electrifying intensity of the moment? How many would look forward with the same fortitude at their adventure? I always wondered why adults could never enjoy a good dance or song. You hardly see any adult smiling or laughing boisterously on the MRT or bus.

Why?

Have their adventures turned out to be disappointments, with the youth around them serving as a constant mockery of what they could have been? Is school merely an orientation to reality, a sheltered haven from which we would appear to know, and anticipate what is to come, but when it hits, damn it hits. Reality is a sledgehammer.

In 2 years, I've been propelled further than I had planned for. In some ways it's good for me, there's no waste of time and the best teachers are your mistakes. I'm past caring for all that I did once upon a time. This is the long shot. Ah, the freedom of letting go of all that's insignificant in your journey is sweet. It's like dropping all your luggage and just lunging forward with the wind in your hair. Perhaps I've finally decided to aim far and high. No more pubescent craving for social recognition or plain idiotic idealism for me that's more sure.

I'm heading down the road, to the faceless mass of unsmiling adults. But guess what, it feels so free not to care. It's not a bad thing, not like I'm going anti. It's just so free, to have only one ultimate aim.