When the Starlight flickers away, as such marks the end of things..

I'm back from the legendary depths of Taiwan that every infantry sergeant makes his mark in.

The lessons from Taiwan, I've documented soundly and truth be told, I'm rather happy to have went to Taiwan. I have learnt more in Formosa about myself and the way I respond in situations more than in the past 6 months and I feel it a great need to constantly remind myself of that great final AAR (after-action review).

I would like to apologise for my actions and attitudes which were unbecoming of a specialist, but that being say, be grateful for having been enlightened at such importune a time as my passing out as a 3rd sergeant.

I read just the other day, my apologies for not remembering the writer's good name, that education is just an increased awareness of our own ignorance. Nothing can sum up so great a lesson in so short a sentence. It is Man's greatest gift that he can learn from the past. It is said with much cynicism that the only lesson from history is that We never learn from history. True, but only because history does not repeat itself and as such, we shall always have new mistakes to make.

I wish with all my heart to be a good sergeant, that I can, in whatever way I can, lead my 6 men out there to be their best. I know that I'm not the brightest, nor the fittest, nor the most capable, but I know now that I have the potential to effect these attributes in my men. As it has been shown, simple acts of commitment might just inspire others to push beyond themselves. I need to know this fact, I cannot allow myself to be carried away in the pursuit of my own comfort. Being there and yet, not there, it hurts others more than I could have foreseen. Not having a motivation is not a valid excuse since you have willingly accepted this rank and the duties that come attached.

Where the End Begins

SCT Joshua. SISPEC, Infantry.

Ah ASLC. Oh joy.

Those words stirred in me, a funny mocktail of disappointment and fair expectation. That little sliver of hope that went POOF where I no longer flirted with the idea of Yes! Not infantry and fell into the I-Knew-It zone. I've known all along that me wanting to be in anything else but infantry would be me facing everything but reality.

But what is the BIG hoo-ha anyway?

Most of the guys, no scratch that, practically all the guys I know don't want to be in infantry namely because it means more outfield, more SOC and more outfields plus route marches. But if one were to think about it, the infantry is as respectable a vocation as any other. Ok, so we march with bags of stones while Armour rolls by waving. So military police have lectures in military law in air-conditioned halls while we dig fire trenches in some god forsaken mud pit. So we climb hills in the rain while Signals and Intel points us the way from some warm benches. But WE ARE the army. Wars are incited by the infantry and it is the infanterie who ends it.

We are but a vocation and we do what we do. As simple as that. There's no point complaining or comparing between vocations. To each its own. At the end of the day, there might be some who feel cheated in that we suffer more than others, but we come out stronger, mentally and physically as well. Give and take is the axiom we should live by.

So this is where the end begins. The end of Specialist School begins with our first book-in into our respective units for Pro term. Others have done it before "singaporearmystories.blogspot.com" and we will do this now.

Alright, now that I have clearly managed to convince myself in this short few minutes that the infantry is the best vocation, I will return to my smelly LBV and Helmet tomorrow smiling, a better man. I hope.

Revival

I must say that I am overwhelmed by this incessant need to jot down my thoughts once more. After such a long pause in writing anything, I dare say I am in severe lack of any one ounce of intellect.

Seeing where Life has brought me so far, he has gamely slapped me with a challenge.

In the midst of all the very successful scholars around me (even in camp), I am called to take courage that I can still one day fulfill my dream of being a steward of justice (corny isn't it, but a post which I highly regard). Right now, maybe it's because of friends who have the ability to apply for law school through good grades (though I might heartlessly say that they lack the aptitude for it, though not all), or that I have yet to apply for university since application dates have not yet arrived, there is a deep stir and unrest within me.

What if I cannot fulfill this burning ambition? I used to sit in wonderment of being amongst international courts trying corrupt officials and ridding the world of the unscrupulous. But now, I fear, that I may have to continue sitting in wonderment forever...

Army has been good to me. It has taught me values and the need for a solid system in any organisation. These have distracted me, for now.

I wish I can sigh out loud, but what is the use? Laments are for the weak and there can be no weakness for this challenge. Oh why, oh why did I not buck up in my studies? If it meant studying for a subject I hated for the greater good, why not? Why did I lapse into disappointment and despair? I know that I have not reached my fullest potential, but which university would see? Results is the only vernacular that the world will ever understand, and for that plain reason, I may have doomed myself.

Checking out.

2010

Wow, it has indeed been a very long time since I last wrote anything here..

Funny it seems, if you would notice the break. Like a man deep in coma finally arising once more and all he recalls hitherto is a long dash from that last moment of consciousness. A lot of things have changed, I'm sure, for everyone of us. The As, I am happy to say, no longer serves as a sticking point for any conversation or as a conceivable priority in my life anymore. Other then the periodic panic pangs I suffer from this interminable wait for release of our results..

Army Life.

Ahh.. It feels good to be a soldier strangely. I glance through facebook and most guys out there hate the army to its green pixelated guts. I mean, yes, there is reason to feel disdainful. After all its two years of our lives. But, by the same token, it's only two years of our lives. Unless you have testicular cancer or something, I cannot see why the huge fuss over this two years. Tell me honestly, if given these two extra years, would you have done something meaningful with it?

I would think not.

To me, the opportunity to serve, is one to re-evaluate our lifestyles and thinking. Don't think of it as pure brain rot (though it is still a valid factor), but as a re-awakening of your unstimulated post As self. I find that certain key traits are emphasized in the army, and if you allow it, they can serve you well in the future.

To name a few. Discipline. Professionalism. Perseverance. And not to mention, foresight and the ability to take hardship, which are crucial factors in the course of leadership. I was a skeptic myself. But I am glad I chose to think positively. I can see myself becoming a better man after the army. And not ever before have I said something about myself with such certainty.

Right now, I can sense that I am changing. I used to be ambivalent and indifferent about certain tasks that I do not care about. But now, all that matters is that you complete the mission. Like it or not. There is no choosing responsibility. When it is given, you answer the call.

As a PR, certain responsibilities are removed from me. Such as entry into OCS. Although it does remove certain achievements that I would like to be able to complete, nonetheless SISPEC is still a goal.

If you ask me, even if you do not line yourself with the ideology of the army, the skills that you pick up will make you a better boyfriend, husband, father, colleague, leader and person.

That I can promise. But you must first believe it to be so.